About a year ago I was buying some DVDs with my friend Paul. I've known Paul for well over a decade now. We grew up together. Every dumb movie cliché about friendship applies to us. Little did we know that this friendship was about to be shaken to its very core. Paul suggested that I buy the Clive Owen film 'Children of Men'. If I’m totally honest dear reader, I’ve never really forgiven him.
Children of Men which came out in 2006 is, as Wikipedia tells us, 'Set in the United Kingdom of 2027, the film explores a grim world in which two decades of global human infertility have left humanity with less than a century to survive. Societal collapse, terrorism, and environmental destruction accompany the impending extinction. Meanwhile, the
My repeated attempts at editing the films Wikipedia page so that it reads 'How is babby formed? Clive Owen's is a good actor but hasn't picked a good script since Closer' have led to my ip being locked out. So much for democracy.
Children of Men won a number of awards and was critically acclaimed. If this doesn't upset you on some level then we probably don't have much in common. The problem with the movie is its forced political message. Film is a wonderful medium and is great at making people aware of political issues but a political message should never be the reason for the movies existence otherwise you end up with D.W. Griffith's The Birth of a Nation. A subtler way to get the message across would have been to send Alec Baldwin on a round the world trip and have him punch anyone with a right wing ideology. I've actually pitched this idea to a number of TV stations and, fingers crossed 'Brawlin' with
Even if you agree with the political message -which I do- it's impossible not to view the movie as preachy. Yeah, ok we get it; immigrants have it pretty fucking rough. Yeah no, I know, people shouldn't allow governments to become all powerful. Stop detracting from your otherwise superb imagery you dumb movie. And, to be fair, the movie really does have some amazing imagery. Its believable vision of the future (ok aside from the whole mystery infertility MacGuffin) is amazing and the movie has a haunting atmosphere. You find you self watching and thinking, 'Actually this isn’t too bad its pretty neat if only they'd stop with the heavy handed oh, no, they've started again.'
Ok, pretend you're at a party (something I do most weekends). You've met a few cool people and then across the room you see a really attractive person standing on their own. You can't understand why nobody is talking to them that’s how hot they are so, you head on over and strike up a conversation. You learn that they're a first year political student so you start talking about politics and realise that you agree on most things. An hour passes and it's become painfully clear why nobody was talking to them. They have not SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. about the evils of Western society. Jesus Christ shut up please. You agree with them, poor people are shit on, racism is bad, the power of government should be kept in che... oh what the hell did they just reference Rage Against the Machine?
Children of Men is that person!
I think the main reason I find Children of Men so repugnant is due to its wasted potential. There's so much going for the movie. The acting is good, the atmosphere and feel of the movie are splendid and it is an interesting story and Michael Caine's role as the scientifically created child of Cheech Marion and Tommy Chong is almost a must see. It's just impossible to get into a movie when any sense of verisimilitude is constantly obliterated by the misuse of heavy handed metaphor.
Anyway, enough of this I’ve got problems to deal with. Alec Baldwin just emailed me about a scheduling conflict we need to resolve ASAP.
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
I love you Clive Owen but goddamn is that love complex.
Sunday, 5 July 2009
Noir Vampyres. Fuck ME!
adj.
1. Of or relating to the film noir genre.
2. Of or relating to a genre of crime literature featuring tough, cynical characters and bleak settings.
3. Suggestive of danger or violence.
Vampyre is not available in the general English dictionary and thesaurus.
Yes, it seems the gritty Vampyre noir genre shouldn't really exist on a number of levels. Yet tragically it walks amongst us in the form of Charlie Huston's 'Already Dead'. There aren't enough adjectives in existence to really describe how terrible this book is but before I start here, enjoy amazon.co.uk's product synopsis.
They live among us, slaves to the very condition that empowers them. They are the Vampyre, and their sole chance at survival lies in banding into Clans. Only Joe Pitt has gone his own way. The upside is freedom. The downside is there's nobody on his side when trouble comes around. Joe gets rough receptions from all the countless Clans shifting about on the island of Manhattan, but his current trouble is with the Coalition? The Clan that controls the city river to river, from
Let me begin by saying, if you've read a book about vampires in the past twenty years then this is nothing new. If you've watched a movie involving vampires then this is nothing new. If you've spoken to anyone ever and the topic of vampires has come up (I dunno, maybe it has. In my case it's often a sex thing) then this dear reader is nothing new. I can only assume that Amazon meant to say, 'Charlie Huston offers a stale trite piece of 'literature' that truly cements his place as a hack writer' because that’s what Already Dead is. A generic piece of sub pulp literature that even my dog couldn't finish reading.
The selling point is supposedly the 'Noir' setting of the story but this is even less noir than that tragic wine commercial in which the once great, noir as fuck, Orson Wells slurs his words and makes a total arse out of himself. Huston try’s so hard to make sure his setting is 'noir' that it comes across as painfully forced and lacking of style. Hear me out. It's so forced that every time something noir happens it's impossible not to imagine Joe Pitt, our gruff tough noir dude/self insert wish fulfilment lead and narrator, winking directly at you.
A woman walks in *wink 'Dames, heh'*
Someone lights up a smoke *wink feels good man*
Men adorned in expensive long coats loiter in the dark *wink trouble is brewing*
Here, let me pick a random page from the book and force it upon you.
"'Mr. Clean. Mr Shit Don't Stick on Me, and there he is, consorting with the Coalition and poaching that chick.'
'Don't say chick'
'Yeah, yeah. Poaching that woman. I told Terry, told him and told him, but he coddles this guy. Knows he spooks for the Coalition and he lets him stay down here anyway. Well not anymore. Wanted Evidence.'"
*WINK*
the language is pretty bad too. I'm no prude but the amount of swears in this book would make Tarantino blush. What is it with some writers? Do they not realise that having your characters use foul language in every sentence diminishes the effect of using it? Sure you could argue that this is the world Joe lives in. It's harsh and foul and it’s made him a rough dude but that’s not the impression you get from the book. It just seems forced and reads like a 12 year old Trent Reznors live journal. I could be wrong but i'm guessing that’s not the effect Huston was going for.
See noir is outdated. It's cool but it's had its day. In order to make noir work in a modern setting you have to either reinvent it (David Simon's The Wire). Or take a fairly tongue in cheek approach (Rian Johnson's superb movie Brick). Already Dead does neither of these things. But what about the other aspect of the book? It's a horror/noir vampire novel is it not? Well yeah it is but it doesn't work as a vampire story either. Say what you want about Anne Rice but she was able to instil her Vampire yarns with a sense of pathos. Ok, some of the time. But Huston’s story lacks any of that. Vampirism acts as a guilt free super power. His vampires are magical beings that can do anything, including cure their girlfriends’ HIV (Huston shows some restraint, his self insert protagonist doesn't do that in this book though he totally could if he wanted and this is only the first book in the series).
This is turning into a rant so I’m going stop. All you need to know is that Already Dead 'sucks'. (HAR HAR DUUuuuuuuuur)
Oh yeah, Vampirism is caused by a virus. That’s no big deal but the virus is called Vyrus. I mean c'mon!
